Managing Negative Feelings ( How to Accept Criticism With Grace and Appreciation )

How do you deal with criticism? Many people find it difficult to avoid feeling hurt, defensive, or angry. Unfortunately, these reactions can cause you to respond in a way that only makes the situation worse and leaves you both feeling offended and unheard. Fortunately, there are ways of improving your ability to respond to criticism with grace and appreciation, which will help you become a better person and create more positive relationships in your life.

Practicing Acceptance and Staying Calm

1. Be mindful to avoid brash reactions. There's a reason "heat of the moment" is such a popular phrase. When we argue with people, there tends to be a lack of thoughtfulness and overall awareness going on, both of ourselves and the other person. Mindfulness can help you stay centered in your experience and non-judgmentally aware of the situation. This will help you gain clarity and freedom to choose how you respond.
Acknowledge your thoughts and emotional state. View thoughts from the perspective of an interested observer, without "buying into" them. Name your emotions without judging them. A single word description can be useful to get a handle on them. If you feel yourself getting worked up over what the person is saying, pay attention to the sensation of your breath flowing through your nostrils.
For example, if you start to feel yourself get irritated while the person is talking, take a moment to say "I'm feeling irritated" silently to yourself. This will help you stay in touch with your feelings.
Emotionally distance yourself from the moment by putting it into perspective. For instance, you’ve probably had to deal with criticism in the past and were able to work through feelings of hurt. You could also remember that in the grand scheme of things, this one criticism is a very short experience from which you can grow.

2. Practice deep breathing. Deep breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system in your body, which is in charge of restfulness. Taking a few deep breaths, inhaling so that your stomach expands while your chest stays in place, is a quick and easy way to calm yourself using basic biology. You can do this right before you receive criticism in order to prepare yourself, such as a performance evaluation with your boss. You can also use this while you are receiving criticism, such as being disciplined by a parent, in order to help you deal with it more effectively and less defensively.

3. Engage in mild exercise. If you're able to get away from the argument for a little while, which is advisable, take that time to get your body moving. Aerobic exercise like jogging will provide mental benefits in areas ranging from stress and anxiety to self-esteem. Boosts in these areas will help you receive criticism from a less sensitive place.

4. Listen to music. Music listening is a safe and consistent method for regulating mood.[6] Taking a break from the argument and listening to some of your favorite musical artists is a surefire way to alter your mood and come back to the situation with a fresh perspective. A fresh perspective can be crucial to accepting criticism without defensiveness.
For example, listen to a song that you love from a happy time in your life. This will bring pack positive memories and change how you are feeling.

5. Practice loving-kindness. Loving kindness is a form of meditative practice that has been shown to increase positive emotions and create openness toward other people. It's done by reciting a mantra, silently or out loud, wishing for peace and happiness, both for yourself and for other people.
As an example, you can say: May I be free from danger. May I be happy. May I be free from suffering. May my mind be healed. May I make friends with my body. May I dwell in peace. May I be at ease.
Repeat this mantra with the other person in mind, replacing "I" with the person's name.
You can alter this mantra for the situation, such as replacing "danger" with "hurt," "suffering" with "personal harm," and "healed" with "conflict-free."

6. Accept that you feel hurt. Acknowledging your experience of feeling hurt is the first step toward responding more carefully and with less ego involved. Rumination stems from failing to recognize our experience; like an open wound, we return to the feeling of hurt again and again until it's given the attention it needs. The words of a friend, family, or co-worker can hurt, and you shouldn't pretend that everything is okay if it isn't.
Try to distinguish between criticism that is intentionally hurtful and criticism that may bruise your ego but isn't a personal attack.